VirtuaLife

1.5 years, gone in the blink of an eye. How time flies. =P

It only seemed like a few weeks ago that Ruby shuffled through the front door in her Mitchelton uniform. And it’s only been a few days since she left back for China, but the house seems quieter, more empty, less... real. Doesn’t matter that Dan and Dot are now living here too, it just lacks that... kick.

I’ve never considered myself to be a good homestay brother. I tend to stay away from the homestay girls, on the premise that we have different interests, we’re not 'truly' related and we’re from opposite genders – yeah that’s right, I don’t want to entertain any hanky panky. I do remember after reflecting on the nightmare that was Akina – that is to say, I was her nightmare homestay sibling =( - that I promised myself I would be a better homestay brother.

So did anything change for Ruby?

Not much, unfortunately. I was friendly, in a distant kind of way. I invited her out to events, but I never pushed her. I offered advice, shared some jokes, gave reprimands on certain things, but I never really got involved. And, as the realisation dawned on me that she’d be packing up her bags soon, I was sick with guilt. Another missed opportunity. I had to do something. I did the only thing that means anything to me. I gave her my time.

For the five days following her graduation, I spent roughly 40 hours knocking up a videologue of her and her friends as they received their certificates and danced with coursemates they would probably never see again. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so compelled to offer myself as I did for this video. By way of comparison, Becky’s video was an exercise in discipline. Heartfelt, sure, but I didn’t have 10GB+ of media to filter, alter and apply FX to.

I struggle to place what exactly Ruby means to me, which probably isn’t helped by the fact that I’ve never really talked too in-depth with her. I respect her for her determination, her single-mindedness, and her dreams, and I am proud of her for striving to set a standard higher than she can comfortably achieve. I can find affection for her little oddities, such as not eating dinner and using the hoola-hoop –with-bells-attached in her room to try and slim down. I’m saddened by her staunch adherence to Chinese custom, for without it I really believe she can soar to much greater heights. I’m worried about her detachment to the rest of her friends, a path I’ve trod along far too often to know the havoc it can bring to a person’s life, especially females. But I guess if there is one thing I do admit to myself, it to affirm that yes, I do care for her. More than I’ve admitted to myself for the last 18 months.

I hope she keeps in contact. I really want to see how she grows, and changes. She is rosebud right now, just waiting to bloom. Waiting for someone to water her. Waiting, watching, too shy to ask and too stubborn to try. Soon, Ruby; your time will be soon =).

But in the meantime, I have some questions to ask myself. How do I want to behave for the next homestay?

Sigh...

Every day is a new day.

And today, I am completely pissed off.

‘Completely’, because the offence is consistent. Yes, I know I’m lazy, mum. And thanks for telling me again Dot, I know I’m pretty slovenly. Yes mum, I forget to clean the dishes sometimes. Yes Dot, I don’t jump at the opportunity to answer you when you yell at me in the morning before I’ve woken up. Yes mum, I have messy friends who sometimes don’t clean up after themselves. Oh I’m sorry Dot, I forgot to ask you if you needed me before I decided to take a little holiday after my exams. You’re totally right mum, I’m really disrespectful and only ever think of myself. Sorry Dot, I'm a horrible driver and I give you headaches.

Probably for the first time in my life, I don’t really wonder anymore at why people commit suicide, or even murder. It’d be pretty easy right now, for me. I’ve discovered this ‘meaninglessness’ that I’ve always heard about and even studied, but never truly experienced. It’s that feeling like no matter what you do, how hard you fight, how fast you run, or how determined you are you still manage to achieve... nothing. Just nothing. And who cares? Nobody. And what difference does it all make? None.

I’m sick of trying to live my dreams. I’m sick of striving to become better as a person. I’m sick of trying to maintain integrity. I’m sick of seeing things differently to the people who should be closest to me, me family and church. I feel like yelling at God – correction, I’ve already yelled at him today – hey, You know what?!? Although Jesus was persecuted, at least his family stood by him!

I wish I wasn’t so curious. I wish I’d never asked God to give me a passion for relationships, to understand how they work. I wish I’d never excelled in school, so that expectations weren’t set so high. I wish I felt really insecure, because then maybe I could see some reason in the things that others choose to accuse me of. I wish I could be a blind, loyal follower, since they seem to get all the perks in Heaven without the headache. I wish... I didn’t have a family.

One thing is right, however. I still remember the words spoken over my life, the words of prophecy. “You have the heart of David!” It was probably the least remarkable part of my prophecy then, but I remember it now. And I remember that young David, gallant and fearless in all things before God, could look at the King who was trying to kill him and still feel love in his heart.

The heart of David. Somewhere along the line, I’ve lost it. And now, I need it more than ever. God, please have mercy on me. Give me a new day.

Its been a long time since I've been really tickled by a concept (Mazda Furai was the last one) but this one really caught my eye.



Infiniti Essence - 2010 diesel sports saloon. It's everything I think the R35 GTR should have been. Probably not much news to car-savvy peeps since its been out for a while but I've been off the scene, and only recently unearthed it.




And those seats! Built-in huggers - who needs recaros? I feel like a seed in a gumnut just looking at it. Ahhh, wishful thinking. Still, the concept is around 5m long, which is almost sausage-like in my opinion. Any city driver should be at or under the 4.75m mark. Makes navigating disgusting roads and tight corners easier.

Okay, back to reality.