VirtuaLife

i hate getting presents. i hate receiving complements. i hate it when people do nice things to me, not because i don’t appreciate it, but because i’m so CRAP at reacting appropriately. i’ve been trying to change, and I think I’m getting better, but i’m still not quite there yet.

To flip the situation on its head, i love giving presents! especially to those people who are really significant to me. i make that demarcation because there’s a big difference in the amount of time i put into getting a present for a person i merely know as opposed to a friend, a companion who has shared many steps and many breaths walking down the same roads in life.

i had to get orangey a present, recently. it was a pretty big thing – her 21st, no less – so i had a decent budget for a present. I wanted to make it special because like the other friends i hold in high esteem, she pretty much poked me into her world (who was the proactive one, here?) and invited me tag along as she pranced about doing her things (which she does quite well!). i didn’t want a ‘normal’ present and experience told me that I’m horrible at estimating clothes sizes, so it came down to cosmetics. uh huh.

it had to be pretty exclusive, because where orangey works she can get her hands on basically anything that comes through a retail channel. it had to be upmarket and desirable with just a hint of celebrity. it needed to be a fresh idea. brilliant! i could now define the essence of what I wanted to get her. Now, if only i knew what shape it would take!!!

fortune found me several days later reading a fashion magazine when I chanced across something that fit the description perfectly. i checked, double checked, read some reviews, browsed the product on the internet, read more reviews, tried to imagine orangey using it... yes, all seemed good so far. then i drove halfway across brisbane to only one of two local stockists.. to find that they had sold out. aaargh! temporary setback; one week later i was back on course with the pressie.

the sweetest thing? when I gave it to her. I was too shy to get her to open it in front of me, but the reaction I got over the phone was suitable enough.



just the reaction itself is addictive!!! i’d get her another present right away if she sent me another txt like that!! =D

it’s nice… nice to have your effort appreciated.

“wow, you really like staying at home, don’t you?”
sarah, when I told her about my awesome weekend gardening feats.

you’ve got to feel the sarcasm inherent in that statement. I’m 24 years old, single, newly graduated, and if you asked me what i like, i would respond without a moment of hesitation that my passions are 1) houses; 2) creating nice gardens, and; 3) cooking. hmmmmm! that was 1 month ago. incredibly, though i’d registered the sarcasm, it took a little while for the actual ramifications to sink in. and when they did,… well, hahaha, i was one sheepish teddy. lemme explain…

before i came to love gardening, houses and cooking, they were an anathema to me. they wasted my time, my energy and my effort. i have to be ordered – and sometimes, literally dragged – out of the chair in front of my computer to perform such menial work as mowing, throwing the rubbish, or helping to prepare dinner. disgusting! yet, over the last 18 months, i’ve come to enjoy these things for what they stand for – independence, wealth, establishment, and order. good things, right?


(the house&garden, 6 months ago. antithesis of independence, wealth, establishment, and order...)

only, one must remember that too much of a good thing can kill you, or, more applicably, that balance must be maintained for the system to be in ‘harmony’. and let me tell you, when one is 24, single, potentially looking and just into a job, doing ALL these things in your past-time does not give you a lot to talk about with a prospective audience! gahhhh =__=

i had the opportunity to leaf through some of my blogging history as well as other memorabilia from the older days (around 2002-2006). As i did, it became apparent how much i had changed and why, now more than ever, i’m finding it hard to meet my social objectives. here, i’ve identified three relational barriers that seem to have crept up on me.

1) i don’t care about my appearance. although i’m tuned to my physique, I’ve alienated the fashion and self-pride component (i blame that as an ongoing backlash from my metro days). i mean, i don’t care what i wear, or if it matches, or how it fits… i’d taken the motto ‘anything goes’, ridden it too far, then beat it into the ground and kept on jumping on it long past it’s use-by date. Unfortunately, while guys generally don’t mind, girls do notice these things…

2) i have withdrawn. my curiosity isn’t outwardly directed anymore. i ask the questions inside and find answers indirectly. although that helps me synthesize my thoughts better, it doesn’t exactly make for engaging table talk. oh, granted there have been times i’ve done otherwise – thinking namely of queenie, louisa, orangey, ray and cathy – but those times are now few and far between, whereas they used to be de rigeur.

3 i’m prejudging people. it happens instinctively in most people, but normally there is a kill-switch of sorts that can retard the input. for me, i seem to have lost that switch. and i figured out the greatest source of my frustration is that, the girls i really like, i am inclined to instinctively reject!!! (because of certain stereotypes) aiyah…

those three things change today. well, they changed as of last week, once i realised what i was doing to myself. And what was I doing to myself? hmmm, i guess you could say it was a very abstract, yet functional suicide. Or, given that without a girl I can’t do certain things, maybe genocide. hahaha ^^ i will still like my gardens, houses and cooking, but they are now second to the ME; the self-investment that needs to be secured before all other things can be added onto it.

after much delay and a bit of bitchiness (on my behalf) i finally got to touch base with shunny, up from Sydney as she was. what a beautiful, lovely girl!

she's just awesome to be around. hence the bitchiness, i guess; where i'd be happy to let other people forget about our appointments and brush myself clean of their... their time wastage?... with shun i felt like i was the one making a loss! meeeeee? rejected? hahaha... you get the idea. I was bordering on socially-induced apoplexy. so I sent off a rather snappy email - tsk tsk, anger - and then just as i was leaving from work last night, got a sheepish reply from her. yay! so i wasn't relegated to dustbin status; not ignored, merely forgotten. wait, is that an improvement at all???

we went to portside@hamilton, to sip on mugs of hot chocolate while immersing ourselves in the casual sophistication sported by other diners and the surrounds. stopping to enquire at a few places, a waiter (can't remember the restaurant name) finally led us to a moodily ambient bar with sevaral tiny alcoves - perfect for a semi-private catch-up. the hot chocolate was great, seeing her was fantastic and hearing what's been happening over the last several months was... wow and waaah in equal proportion ^^. but i'd have to kill you if i told you what we talked about. right?

i love how she thinks. she's completely 'girl', yet with a strong head and a steely determination that many others seem to lack. sure, she has an ice-cream fetish (we were able to walk past movenpick without her blinking, surprisingly) and is about as indecisive as any other girly out there (hehehe sorry shun :)), but that's completely forgivable in her sweet disposition, her sincerity, her openness. can you tell that i respect her? this is the sort of girl i'd drive halfway across town to see, open doors for, plan something impressive, go that extra step to please. i hold it to (all) her boyfriend(s) to do the same! Haha =)

i say this, and yet i think of the very, VERY first time i even noticed her... this quiet tooth fairy who was sitting at the other end of the table surrounded by presumed boyfriends (i later found out that was her brother... oops) who stared at me with sharp, piercing eyes as i goofed around with xhijie and made lots of lame jokes. i would not have even thought of keeping in touch had she not asked for my facebook! or was it msn?? and, even then, i was reluctant to give it to her! who was this little miss tooth fairy, who didn't say much then suddenly asked for MY details. a bit scary, hey? ahhhh! of course, in retrospect, i had no such qualms about giving it out. haha. and even today, I thank God i can call her a friend. there's a special strength in proper friendship.

in this new chapter of my life, with the steady and increasing grind of work, a plague of financial commitments, personal woes, and a plethora of small, antsy annoyances, there should always be time to stop and smell the roses. or, taste the chocolate. thanks, shunny. last night, you were my chocolate ^^

(but don't worry, you don't make me fat)