VirtuaLife

If home is where the heart is, then my heart is in Philippines. But my body is in Singapore while my mind is in Australia!

The dilemma strikes particularly true as I once again contemplate on my future and the disparity between what I want and what I should do. I have many homes that can/will accept me, yet choosing one over the other leaves me with a feeling of frustration; like a potplant, whose roots are confined within the pot, I have cut off an area of my potential I know I have.

Philippines in January09 left me with conflicting emotions. On one hand, I saw a need I could fill, a people I could help to rise above their circumstances. I felt at ease in a place where I could live out my life with drama, hilarity and intrigue, without the disapproving or malicious gossip that normally follows. However, I saw the ugly side of family politics, the ever-constant burden of a father who doesn't acknowledge in action that my childhood has passed, and felt the contraints of living in a society potentially dangerous to the innocent westerner. A brief reprieve back in Australia helped to subdue this internal maelstrom; yet even as I find myself back here once again, the internal maelstrom has returned.

Even Singapore has changed, though I am at a loss to explain what or how things have changed. Perhaps because this is the first time I am exploring beyond the circles frequented by my relatives, I am finally getting away from the history that maliigned my attitudes towards this nation. I even thought some Singaporean girls were pretty! That has totally never happened before (except for Jo and she was an ABC so that didn't count). More conflict, urghhh.

Welcome Philippines10! And Singapore10 as well =)