VirtuaLife

Zhijie is leaving.

Perhaps because I'm a guy, I shed no tears. Perhaps I'm just hard-hearted. Or I see more than the mere symbolism of departure; a faint whiff of escapism, perhaps? After 5 years of rollercoaster friendship, it comes down to a single, defining moment. Like that first hairline crack in the impregnable bulkhead of a warship.

Perhaps its also a measure of my distress that after 4 months of inaction, this one event would elicit a response worthy of posting. Is this what our friendship comes down to? A few manly words, a gruff handshake, eyes that dart all over the place and words unspoken busting out of everwhere except the mouth? For all that I boast of my strength in relationships, the pain of parting is not lessened, but in fact intensified.

I'm going to miss him.

Not because he stuck by me doggedly. Not because he could tolerate my acid tongue behind a shield of affability. Not because he trusted me to tell he the things that hurt him... through and through. Not even because he was a Christian, for he wasn't. No, those aren't reasons why I would miss him.

I'll miss him because beyond the forgetfullness, beyond the indecision, beyond the outrageous flirting that I never condoned was a person struggling to make sense of life. Even as I invested my own life to understand this quirky, complex character, through simple, flawed integrity he taught me so much about what it means to be... human.

We said a simple goodbye tonight, just Z, Katrina and myself, braving the chill to share hot chocolate and cheesecake. We mulled over the design of our lives where they used to run together, and where and how they finally began to diverge. We dwelled on career, on fun, and also purpose. And then Katrina being, well, Katrina, well, we mulled over relationships.

How stricken we must be as a people to have that thing we desire most - love, that is - afflicted by a corruption of the mind. To have it twisted around, battered by the winds of ignorance and egocentrism until it is a deformed, pitiful reflection of its former self. Z with his issues. Kat with her own (currently buried but not resolved). Me with... well, mine, I suppose. Each with a different problem, but stemming ultimately from the same perversion that made love become a thing to be treated with antipathy and caution. Shame on us, as humans. That we could take something so beautiful and cherished and tarnish it in an instant, without nary as much as a backward glance.

Kat also reminded me (as she does) tonight what it means to be human. With Zhijie temporarily out of order from our escalating voices, she told me in her own special way that I. expect. way. too. much from. any. human. girl. Fair call, even if I did see the need to argue just out of habit. Reinforcing God's releasing prophecy over my life, Kat pointed out that even without criteria, I was aiming only slightly short of perfection, and that nobody would stay in my scope the more I got to know them. Mmmm, I can see where that is going. Now, we shall see where God's grace brings me by entertaining this line of thought.

So Zhijie is going, going gone, just like Jing deserted me last year. Just like I did for Jing, the greatest gift I could give was not my presence, or a well-thought present, or a few typically-tedde jokes. No, it was a simple, heart-felt prayer. For the manifestation of God's authority over his life and for the glory of Heaven as I have known it to become real to this dearly cherished friend, who was not afraid to show me just how human he was.

God, take authority ove his life. I intercede on behalf of him, who does not know how to pray. Hear my cry, even as You, mighty One, know the very needs of your faithful.

teDDe~