VirtuaLife

I'll rewind the clock back to January 4, 2008, taking a snippet out of the old blog on my written resolutions -

QUOTE

Micah 6:8 - He has showed you, O man, what is good.
And what does the LORD require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
and to walk humbly with your God.

It distills into three (3) things.

1) Integrity. To practice what I preach. to live a life that is the same whether anyone is watching or not. To live the dream that plays out again and again in my mind. 2) Loving mercy. To give when unwarranted, not because I should, but because I want to. To let my heart break with the same things the break His heart. And very honestly, I have a heart so hard at the moment you'd need a diamond drill to break into it :). 3) Humility. As Eve said, as Vitamin once commented, and as most other friends have variously remarked... I have none. =P Plain and simple, like vanilla ice-cream. I know where I stand with that.

So, these three things. That is what it means to succeed with God. And, I guess what it means to be a fulfilled and strong Christian. On the basis that I demonstrate NONE (or negative values) of these, I think I'm very far away from being a strong Christian. I guess admitting it is the very first step towards becoming more humble. And it hurts! =P

ENDQUOTE

Of the three, I feel like I have truly begun to understand the concept and practise of humility. It has become much easier over the last 12 months to discern the wisdom of others' commentary and know whether their perceptions are grounded in the reality of the situation or not. It IS true, real humility is often mistaken for arrogance. Too often people personalise a circumstance, which often leads to incorrect judgements. On different note, I have spent the last 12 months breaking or being broken for the prideful inflexibility with which I have lived my life. Lesson learnt? Yes. But there is always more to do. Having said that, I am comfortable that I have (for now) achieved the goal of humility. In terms of integrity and loving mercy, I have also made small but incremental progress in those areas. Nothing that gives glory to God, apart from the tears of effort to say that I tried with everything I had. I guess I couldn't ask for more?

Another set of New Years criteria that gradually formed throughout the year, this is 1 Cor 3:13 (NASB)- But now faith, hope love, abide these three - and the greatest of these is love. Once again, partially fulfilled. My faith has grown in the last several months as I have come to acknowledge God more, to treat Him as real in my life rather than just someone I talk to but not act with. Hope, now there's an interesting one - I have widened my hope for the future, embraced a vision bigger than I consider myself humanly capable of. What is my hope? That God would use me as a vessel for His works. To speak life back into the lifeless, to give joy to the joyless and bring rest to the restless. Indeed, that has been a new hope in my soul. And love? I believe that by growing both growing my tolerance and extending my outreach, I am growing in my capactity to love. I have seen subtle changes to the choices I make, affecting others around me, how I sublimate them into my life and let them experience the testimony that is only mine to share. So once again, partially fulfilled.

What does this new year leave me with? 2009 is a terribly unsentimental year for me - I don't like odd numbers, and there's nothing special planned this year, and it feels like it is goign to be a lonely year - for once I know the feeling of having a desolate outlook or a barren plan, for want of better words. If 2008 was my year of distance (Vitamin back to msia, Veggie growing more distant, Z + Annie + Physios separated, kette + tooky working, honours sapping my time and energy) then 2009 carries that cumulative effect PLUS the burden of not having a job, B leaving for J3, the super hard slog of clinical placement with only a small network of new physio peers and getting a new car, let alone a house. This year will not be so much fantastic as it is shaping up to be fatalistic, I feel.

One SMS that brought joy to my heart last year (2008) was a very innocuous comment for Vitamin "You random piece of God's creation". Of all the memories in 2008, this friendly jibe of an SMS, rendered in all it's monochrome glory, stuck in my heart. Random as I am, there is a logic to EVERY single thing I do - the principles that govern and direct my life are the same across each and every situation. It has been an adherence to these principles, it has been this integrity that, last year, saved me from blowing my top at some very ignorant people, that saved me from sexual sin, that rescued me from the rotwood of pride, and brought me time and time again (often in a rather disshevelled state) back to the the heart of God. Yes, amidst this randomness, there is a logic. And the beuatiful (if not unintentional) paradox that Vitamin created with that SMS is, is there anything that is random in God's creation?

So this is but a brief look at 2008. I'm experimenting with the new medium of high-definition video and video editing - after all, pictures were soooo last year (plus i look so much hotter in dynamic pose hahah) so the bloggie is only going to get a selection. Gotta modernise, you know! Hahaha.

This is a reminder to me... to always be ME.

Godspeed,
teDDe~