VirtuaLife

Last night I made kuejadas and pandesal. It was one of those spur-of-the-moment things, and I began to mix the ingredients even before I’d worked out if I had enough of every ingredient in the first place! The timing was right, though; I’d just pumped myself through the pain barrier doing a hill climb and needed to take it easy. The peeps at work also go gaga over baking so I thought I’d do myself a favour and clear my contribution early, before the work piled on…

Despite poor time management (my 2 hour affair with pandesal turned into a 3.5 hours slumberfest) I managed to get the darn things done and looking pretty decent. Was annoyed with myself for not budgeting a buffer but happy that I’d be doing my teeny weeny bit to make work a happier, better fed place =).

And that’s the key, really. I realised that it’s been a while since I’ve given anything to anyONE I don’t know well or don’t like without seeking to test them in some manner. It’s been a while since I’ve been able to sit back, just be myself and not care what anyone thinks, regardless of whether they are my best friend or a complete stranger. Of course, my best friends get me at full intensity, but even those I don’t particularly like… they deserve to at least see me for who I am, right?

Defensive. That’s what we all are. I hesitate to say that it is what [society] has become because I’m sure that the human condition has always been this way. On my part, I didn’t consider myself defensive until I realised the protections I’ve built into my life are so much like a second skin… it’s all over me, but I hardly pay it any attention. What defences? Being dismissive, for one; regarding the musings of other people as simplistic and predictable. Howabout misleading? I can put on personalities like I put on suits, yet instead treating it as a blessing I use it to mock others’ shortcomings. And cynical? It’s an attitude that generally hits the mark for a fallen society but falls woefully short of the mark when somebody genuine comes along.

I’m happy with where I am at the moment. I am in a workplace with people whose habits, personalities and sense of professionalism stands as a sharp contrast against my own, yet I am perfectly contented to give to them, and give again, expecting nothing back.

This is life… unrestrained.

teDDe~